Writer's Memories, Writer's Thoughts

Due to my own workload, it has been difficult to sit down and concentrate on writing and publishing this blog.  Last week I was unable to meet with the ladies and missed seeing them and hearing what they had written.  And unfortunately it will be the same this week as life seems to intrude on my best intentions.  However, I do sense progress with the ladies in spite of my own short comings.  I see them growing and I hear them making changes to their lives.  And as they read this I trust they understand my absences and will continue with the homework assignments and their personal work on themselves.

Following are a few writing efforts that need to be shared because they are not just worthy of print and very thought provoking, but they are awesome pieces of writing.  To say the least I was blown away by the insights that they show.  I think you will think so as well.

"No one Loves Here Anymore"
    by KAI CEI
Driving down a broken highway!
Looking back on a haunted Driveway!
Tattered shingles, Broken windows!
And no one loves here Anymore!
Dirty rugs, shattered mugs!
Filthy floors, and empty jugs!
Nasty walls, Flattened balls!
And no one loves here anymore!
Shutters loose, Gaping hole in the roof!
Feel my pain, as thru it I watch the rain!
No rainbow, no pot of gold!
Cause no one loves here anymore!

"No room in the END"
   by KAI CEI
How can you be so cold?
So mean, surley and brazenly bold!
How do you do it?
I mean suck me right in?
How do I end up with the worst pick of men?
You start off so pleasant, so smooth,
But in the end, so rancid, so rude.
Is it something I said or did
Or OH! I know, other women have put in their bid.
How do you expect me to stay in my womenly place?
When you keep holding auditions for my space.
In your heart I'm supposed to be!
But I see now It's not big enuff for
little ole' me!

"For Myself, For My Soul"
   by KC
Blue eyes
Hands clenched in fists
A smile on your lips
you say you love me
that I am your world
yet the floor shakes
when, you're in a rage
scream and pound the walls with your fists
Why?
5 minutes ago you say sweet words
But now I'm stupid
I'm lazy
I'm every negative word you can throw at me
Words so sharp they stab like a dozen knives
Piercing my heart
Making me question my worth
But now it's a new day
I left your worthless piece of crap back in Florida.
This is for me
Reclaiming my birthright as a Queen
Kicking your a--off of the throne in my life
Nothing and No one is going to keep me down!!
Victim NO More!!
I am a survivor and a thriver!!!

"PTSD"
  By KC
PTSD....four letters that strike fear into me.
Physical feelings of being violated again and images,
that match the physical feelings in my head.
Panic, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Wishing, reaching, for something or someone to snap me out of it.  No where to run, breathe coming
in shallow gasps.  Feels like an elephant sitting on my chest.  Physicl feelings slowly subsides, but still the anziety and terror reside.
The more I fight the worse it gets...but how do I just let my body feel what my mind wants me to fight against?  If this was someone real trying to attack me and rape me they would be laid out on the ground but I can't fight fragments of my mind.

A Lovely Memory

Tuesday night I asked the ladies to close their eyes and think about a good memory from their childhood.  To think about smells, tastes, sounds as well as sights and to then write a short piece based on the memory.  Following are two of the pieces that came out of that exercise:

"Turning 13"
What it was like to turn 13. I had my Mom and best friend to myself.  No stinking brothers.  No drunk Dad.  Just my Mom and my best friend and SIX FLAGS.  The daring roller coasters.  The dare from my friend to not puke or pass out on the "Dungeon Drop".  Just my Mom and my best friend.  Just the smell of summertime and chlorine from the water rides.  The Texas Twister with the loops and jerks.  Just my Mom and my best friend.  Oh how I wish to be 13 again.  To not have my world turned upside down Crazy!
KW

"Itallian Memory"
Stickiness on my fingers as I hold a dripping cup of Gelato in my hand.  With one hand I search for a napkin in the left pocket of my blue jeans. With my other hand I hold the dripping cup and attempt to lick off some chocolatey goodness.  I am in the middle of the crowd at the Trevi Fountain in Rome.  I am 12 years old and came here on a trip with my parents and the rest of our tour group of military families.  The Gelato feels good on my sore throat and I tuck my jacket and purse around me a little more tightly.  Gypsies wander the streets looking to sell some trinkets or pick some pockets.  Our next stop is the Colleseum and I am so excited I start rambling about how Rome was founded and the first emperors; tripping over my words in my excitement.  Some of my fellow tour members laugh.  I look around in wonder knowing I will never forget this.
K

And from the same class on Tuesday evening, some writing on their own from their homework:

"Mask"
I see right through you
How cruel you can be
Your mask is wreathed in good natured smiles,
Jokes and service to others
Yet it does not take long to see your flip side.
A few well placed remarks designed to cut someone
down a peg or two.
You hurt, so you hurt others
So sad because if you wanted to do and be better you could
But you don't.
K

"Why Worry"
I have found there is always a reason or occasion to worry.  If I put my time and attention on that one thing that I need to fall into place or not to happen at all then surely I can control what's going to happen with the sheer volume of thoughts I have about it, right?  Wrong!  If I put my time and attention on one thing then I lose focus on all the balls that are in the air that emcompass my world.  As a woman of faith I know that I am supposed to put my worries and my struggles into the lap of the Higher Power.  That's something I struggle with and I don't know why.  I know there is a plan for my life, and a purpose for it far more and far bigger than what I can comprehend right now.  I get that but the little pieces, such as a job; I struggle with knowing the whens, hows and whats.  So I give my worries, fears and anxieties to You, God.  I ask for peace, clarity and to feel Your love everyday.  Amen
K

Who are Sheba's Daughters?

Since February I have been meeting with a group of ladies who have chosen to rebuild their lives by leaving abusive relationships and starting over.  They are from all walks of life with maybe two thing in common, there growing up years were not under the best of circumstances and they are all women who up until now have made  bad choices.  However, as I have met with them week after week I have been blown away by their courage and their desire to change their life.

But why Sheba's Daughters as the moniker of this blog site?   On trying to come up with a name to showcase the writing that these women undertake each week as they work on finding their true voice, I wanted it to be something that showed their courage and strength.  Something that did not sum up where they had been, but where they were going.  Trying to come up with an idea for a name, I took a book off my shelf, entitled "Something More" by Sarah Ban Breathnach and thumbed through its pages. The chapter near the end of the book caught my attention.  It was called The Queen of Sheba and started with a quote:

"Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred concubines.  But there was only one woman at whose feet he lay, the Queen of Sheba.  And she was neither one nor the other, for she was the King's match.  And so, fittingly, he gave her everything she asked of him and much, much more.  She in turn, gave herself to him.  And their rapture knew no bounds and their love for each other never betrayed them."

The chapter ended with this statement and it resonated with me and made me realize that this is the lesson these women need to learn and are indeed learning and that is as Ms. Breathnach so perfectly put it, "You're not second best.  You're descended from an ancient, sacred lineage: the daughters of Sheba.  Stand tall, Girlfriend, the man hasn't been born whose love is worth throwing away your throne."

This blog will showcase these women's writing and the hard work they are doing to get their lives on track.  Some of it will be hard to take, and some of it will be brilliant

 but all of it shows what courage and strength these women possess. My prayer is that they will all grow stronger each and every day and realize what truly great women they are, the Daughter's of Sheba.